Must be d1ckheads/fucktards day out

[martinholmesuk]

How else can your follow the worst driving of the week! Hello it's 30 limit not a 20 limit you d1ckhead! Are you unble to steer around the bends?
signal damn it signal!

Your driving sucks!

The best one is the woman (sorry girls but it just did happen to be woman) who was unable to park next the petrol pump without blocking the exit lanes (two)

d1ickhead was not the correct word for her so i'll think of one later.

Share your driving nightmares below

[MatBat]

I was getting petrol today and was stopped behind some maniac in a black 480 abusing some poor lady.

[stu chacks]

I was getting petrol today and was stopped behind some maniac in a black 480 abusing some poor lady.

How about on my way home tonight, Discovery in the fast lane of the dualcarriageway on the way home who when we got near the roadworks with signs - Contraflow 1mile - decided to slow down to the same speed as the cars queing in the slow lane - even although there was nothing infront of him for 1m til the contraflow - he just sat there doing around 5mph holding everyone back. He gets my vote.

Stu.

[chris1roll]

basically everyone in front of me on my way home tonight...

Look, I've done a ten hour day on a friday and want to get home, if your going to drive in the outside lane at 6:15 you've got to do at least 95.

Not 70

[reynolds_p1]

Discovery in the fast lane of the dualcarriageway on the way home who when we got near the roadworks with signs - Contraflow 1mile - decided to slow down to the same speed as the cars queing in the slow lane - even although there was nothing infront of him for 1m til the contraflow - he just sat there doing around 5mph holding everyone back. He gets my vote.

Stu.[/color]

Yes!!!! they get my vote too! arseh*les!! there was some bloke doing that when i was sat behind him last week when there is clearly a mahoooosive sign saying 'Traffic use both lanes' and hes sat there crawling along in his shitty renault scenic doing about 5mph, nowt in front of him, look its not my fault everyone cant read and wants thier journey to take twice as long as it should and i am doing exactly what the sign says! grrr... i waited til there was just enough room to get over onto the central reservation and squeeze past on the gravel whilst holding down the horn. looking in my mirror hes still there acting like its his road and he wants to make the rules... i saw another car do the same too, and that was a bently!! now that was a squeeze!

[Big Brother]

I was getting petrol today and was stopped behind some maniac in a black 480 abusing some poor lady.

How about on my way home tonight, Discovery in the fast lane of the dualcarriageway on the way home who when we got near the roadworks with signs - Contraflow 1mile - decided to slow down to the same speed as the cars queing in the slow lane - even although there was nothing infront of him for 1m til the contraflow - he just sat there doing around 5mph holding everyone back. He gets my vote.

Stu.

Those roadworks are really getting on my tits now I was getting pissed off when it was on just one side of the 483 but now its on both sides it is causing fuckin havoc, not even rush hour and there is a mile of traffic sifting through the works when there isn't even anyone working on the bridge

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[dragon]

My pet hate with contraflow situations is the opposite - I really hate the fucktards that think they're better than everyone else and blats all the way up to the point where their lane doesn't exist anymore and then tries to force their way in.

[Ally]

I have to say I agree with Dragon here. As soon as you know a lane is closing you should be thinking about getting out of it, not how far can I go before I push into the queue.

[chris1roll]

Oh, so theres a lane with an unnecessary queue in it, I know I'll join the end of it??

The idea is that you merge one by one like a zipper, fairly close to the end of the wider section, gives you more road space. Other wise if everyone moved to the single lane as soon as the signs appeared, instead of having a single lane section say 2 miles long, you get one 2 miles and 900 yards long. Whats the point of that?
Take it a step further, you get on the motorway 3 junctions ahead of a where you know there is a single lane section. Better stay in the left hand lane then, don't want to push in.

I have to say that I do move over fairly early, but thats because if you don't the fuckers in lane one who think you are "jumping the queue"won't let you in.....Till you give one the choice of braking or hitting you.


Its not much different to the numpties who form a 65mph queue in lane 3 whilst I breeze past in the completely empty lane 1 at 75ish, If everyone realised there are three lanes on a motorway and used them things would move a lot smoother and quicker.

[Big Brother]

My pet hate with contraflow situations is the opposite - I really hate the fucktards that think they're better than everyone else and blats all the way up to the point where their lane doesn't exist anymore and then tries to force their way in.

Some twat in an Audi was trying to push in front of me yesterday but I wasn't going to let him in, and the car behind me was staying very close to my bumper

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[maxwell98]

i pity the poor b*****s stuck behind me on thursday as i drove to the garage with a snapped subframe. there is one bus driver in particular who would like to have a quiet word in my ear.

[JohnTurbo]

I don't get angry whilst driving.

[martinholmesuk]

My pet hate with contraflow situations is the opposite - I really hate the fucktards that think they're better than everyone else and blats all the way up to the point where their lane doesn't exist anymore and then tries to force their way in.

Some twat in an Audi was trying to push in front of me yesterday but I wasn't going to let him in, and the car behind me was staying very close to my bumper

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Did you look behind you like frightened deer?

[Big Brother]

Why would I have done that Martin

[martinholmesuk]

oh sorry it's sheep in Wales. my mistake

[Big Brother]

still don't get it

[martinholmesuk]

It's from a TV programme called 'The Fast Show' made during the 90's

[Big Brother]

too young to remember that

[welsh-dragon]

Missed out on a good show there, Ad.
Same people that came up with the "Suits you, Sir" sketches; classic British comedy.
You must have seen those, even at your tender age.

[guitarcarfanatic]

Too Young?! I'm 18 and I watched those programmes religiously. Classic sketch your referring too there aswell martin. My favourite was always the jesus christ, superstar spanish sketch! Imagine 2 guys dressed as shepherds

Guy 1- Sheep......Sheep.....sheep....un crocodilo...

Guy 2 -Un crocodilo?

Guy 1 - No mia joko! sheep....sheep...sheep...sheep...sheep...Arch angel Gabriel!

Guy 2 - Arch angel gabriel? Tu Joko

Guy 1 - No! Arch angel Gabriel!


Que extremely tachy dance/theatre type thingy in spanish singing about about Jesus Christ!

Absolute classic which I thought I would share with you all!