StuChacks Friday Joke... (et l'emploi pour dimanche)

[stu chacks]

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He
asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard
prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase. She asks him "Where do you think your doing?"

He replies, "I'm coming with you, I want to see how you live on $800 a year".



Tip of the week: When replacing worn wipers that you've shredded trying to remove ice from your windscreen, remember to get the ones with the built in spoiler. That way when your going 100mph they might actually work.

Stu.

[Roo]

[Sophie]

Topic should be renamed...

"stu's friday jokes, and weekend tips"

[welsh-dragon]

[2127]

[stu chacks]

Here's one the cat dragged in.....

3 mice.

Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other.

The first mouse says: "You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat 'em like candy."

The second mouse, not to be outdone says: "Oh yeah? Well, you know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down, I grab it and do bench presses with it."

The third mouse looks the other 2 mice up and down and shakes his head.
He says: "You guys are really a couple of tough mice, and I'd love to keep hangin' out with you here, but I gotta go screw the cat."

Tip for the weekend - with spring on the doorstep you should be looking to plant your leeks within the next fortnight for a good cropping year.

Stu.

[ReVolvoLution]

I've got enough leaks in the 480 as it is thanks!

Stu i think your slowly turning in to Jesse of the fast show bud. I'll start getting worried when your weekly tip start off.... "And This Week..... I will be mostly wearing nipple clamps!"

[guitarcarfanatic]

@ revolution - I love your avatar! Thats how you get to Earls house! I have the whole series on Dvd. It's great Do you know that little monkey in ET....

[JohnTurbo]

I've watched up to episode 19 of MNIE. Its funny

[ReVolvoLution]

Woohoo... My names Trevor, welcome to Earl-o-holics Annon




"I think I got that one in its McNuggets!"

[Brasco]

I've only caught about 5, all been ferkin hilarious tho.

[Joolz]

Woman: Would you get married again if I died?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Sh*t.

[levin]

Ahah Joolz

[volviz]

good one

[stu chacks]

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a £20 note drops out of it. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag.” “Damn!” says the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can still find some.” “Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?” “Oh, no,” says the little old lady. “You see, my backyard backs up to the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: £20 or off it comes!” “Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “Okay, good luck! By the way,what’s in the other bag?” “Well,” says the little old lady, “not all of them pay up!”


1st race of the BTCC this weekend from Brands Hatch amigos (Sunday ITV)!

Stu.

[Dan the 480 Man]

Eeeewww....

[welsh-dragon]

Ouch!
I knew there was something about Wrexham! lol

[stu chacks]

Not around tomoz so have a good bank holiday easter weekend amigos!



Stu.

[volviz]

[stu chacks]

A man walks to the corner of Oxford Street and Regent Street in London during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi straight away.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says: "Perfect timing. You're just like Stevie"
"Who?" says the man.
"Stevie Jones. He was a guy who did everything right. Like my taxi being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened for Stevie."
"Well no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody," the man replies.
"Not Stevie," says cabbie. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have turned professional at golf or tennis and he danced like a West End star. He was handsome and sophisticated, more than George Clooney. He had a better body than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. He was something!"
"Somehow Stevie just new exactly how to make women happy," the cabbie continues.
"He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out."
"No wonder you remember him!" says the man.
"I never actually met Stevie," admits cabbie.
"Then how do you know so much about him?" asks the man.
"After he died I married his wife."

Tip of the week: Now were out of winter pop your bonnet and clear all the old leaves and gunk out the back of the engine bay then give it a hose down. Rust doesn't need encouragement, and it will make your heaters smell better too!

Stu.