StuChacks Friday Joke... (et l'emploi pour dimanche)

[stu chacks]

Looks like I'd a bit behind with these..........

GLOSSARY OF TECHNICAL TERMS FOR BMW OWNERS
From BMW Headquarters

It has come to our attention that when we
receive orders for parts or enquiries from
those of you in the East of Europe, especially, there is a lack
of knowledge about the appropriate
terminology. Please find below a brief
glossary of terms which will make
international communication much easier for
all involved.

*INDICATORS = Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
*SPEEDOMETER = Der Egobooster
*PUNCTURE = Die Phlatte mit Bludyfucken
*LEARNER = Die Dumdkopf mit Elplatt
*ESTATE CAR = Die Bagsromm fur Shagginkinauto
*WINDSCREEN WIPER = Die Flippenflappenschittenspredden
*FOOTBRAKE = Der Edbangenonvindskreen Stoppenquik
*BREATHALYSER = Die Puffintem fur Pistenarsen
*SEATBELT = Der Klunkenklicken Frauleintrapper
*HEADLIGHTS = Das Dippendontdazzle Ubastud
*FOG WARNING = Die Puttenfutdownen Fukit
*HIGHWAY CODE = Der Wipen fur Arsen
*TYRES = Phlattfarts
*TRAFFIC JAM = Der Bluddinfukkin Damnundblasten
*BACKFIRE = Der Lowdenbangen Mekkenme Fuckenjumpen
*JUGGERNAUT = Der Fukkengret Trucken
*ACCIDENT = Der Bleedinmess
*NEAR ACCIDENT = Der Fucken Neer Shittenselfen
*CYCLIST = Pedalpushen Ninckenpoopen
*REAR VIEW MIRROR = Der Yokkhunter Tooklosen

Tip of the week: when trying to fix your electric aerial mast, don't try to remove the mast by undoing the main body! (See parts wanted section).

Stu.

[2127]

Well... maybe there's still some life in the old horse yet !

LITTLE MARK ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Mark.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little Mark says, 'I have a question for you, miss.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: one is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little MARK replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

[Dan the 480 Man]

[gltease]

See what you make of this one Sal!

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional

"But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgee there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."

" Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhh that's not'in'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin dere's Ryan's Bar. Now du moment ya set foot in dat place they'll buy you a drink, den another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drink they'll take ya upstairs and see that you get laid. All on da house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims.
He swears every word is true. "Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meeself personally no" said the Irishman, "But it did happen to me sister."

Stu.

Oh yeah, poke fun at the Irish !

I'm upset, gonna go off and cry now