StuChacks Friday Joke... (et l'emploi pour dimanche)

Some things just can't be placed elsewhere. Have you been speeding and got fined? Or spotted a nice new Volvo on the web somewhere? All non-480 messages can be posted in this part of the board.

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Gimle
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Post by Gimle » Mon Sep 26, 2005 12:18 pm

:lol: :rofl: :lol:
Greetz,
Gimle

1994, Volvo 480 2.0 ES 2002 - 2005
2001, Opel Vectra 2.2dti 2003 - 2007 R.I.P.
1998, Renault Mégane Coupé 1.6e 2007 -

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Ally
Can tell where the 480 was built
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Post by Ally » Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:13 pm

Not Friday I know, and I'm not Stu but thought some of you might enjoy this one...

Ted was speaking to the vicar of his church, "I have a problem," he confessed, "my wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons, and it is very embarrassing."

"I know just the thing." the vicar replied. "Take this hat pin, and when I see her nod off I'll motion to you to give her a little jab."

The following Sunday, off went Ted, his wife and the pin. Before long the vicar saw Ted's wife dozing, so he began his plan.

"And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he asked, nodding to Ted.

"JESUS!" cried Ted's wife, as he jabbed her with the pin.

"That's right!" continued the vicar.

Soon she was off again, so the vicar continued "And who is your redeemer?" and nodded to Ted.

"GOD!" the poor woman yelled.

"Right again!" said the vicar smiling.

Before long, Ted's wife was off again, but the vicar was getting so carried away with the sermon that he was shaking his head wildly. Ted mistook the signals and gave his wife a hefty jab just as the vicar was asking "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Ted's wife shrieked...

..."If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half and shove it up your a*se!"
Fred - 1995 480 2.0i ES - Dark Green Metallic (106,000 miles)
Dave - 1993 480 2.0i ES - Steel Grey Metallic (148,000 miles)

Milosz_480
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Post by Milosz_480 » Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:46 pm

Good one Ally :rofl:
no car, why drive a car if you can fly SAAB
Previous:
-Mitsubishi Lancer GLXi '93 LPG powered
-'92 480 ES red 'Sports Edition'
-'87 480 ES red
pics>>> http://photobucket.com/albums/v304/mayah480/

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Roo
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Post by Roo » Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:51 am

:lol:

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Gimle
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Post by Gimle » Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:31 am

LOL :rofl: :lol: :rofl:
Greetz,
Gimle

1994, Volvo 480 2.0 ES 2002 - 2005
2001, Opel Vectra 2.2dti 2003 - 2007 R.I.P.
1998, Renault Mégane Coupé 1.6e 2007 -

Joolz
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Post by Joolz » Wed Sep 28, 2005 12:29 pm

One from Joolz




Why did the chicken cross the road???

To escape from the Russian tanks trying to blow up his house.... :lol:









oops sorry did I say chicken....I meant chechen


(this joke was in no way political or meant any offence to the Chechyn and Russian struggle...it was simply a play on words)
Volvo 480 Celebration 466 Dark Grey Metallic (PUS)
previously
Volvo 480 2 ltr Paris Blue
Volvo 480 2 ltr Peacock Green
Volvo 480 1.7 White
Volvo 760 GLE Saloon 2.8 V6 Blue

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martinholmesuk
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Post by martinholmesuk » Wed Sep 28, 2005 12:44 pm

made me laugh :rofl:
Volvo 940 Turbo 19T (real Volvo :P)
Audi TT

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sallysal
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Post by sallysal » Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:41 am

It's Friday! :hopping:
and I'm sitting here with a cup of tea and a strobbewaffel (no it's not a german WWII pilot!) waiting for todays joke..........

oh Stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu where are yoooooouuuuuuuuu? ;)
Sx
1995 M reg 2.0l flamer, with Ltd Ed interior, sadly departed, but not forgotten

MRS LASEROWL
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Post by MRS LASEROWL » Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:45 am

Well here's my first Friday funny Sally....

THE PARROT

A young man received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. The man tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, the man was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. The man shook the parrot; the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation the man grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, the man quickly opened the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man’s outstretched arm and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.” The man was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, “may I ask what the turkey did?”
1998 S80 T6
1991 1.7ES Paris Blue Special Edition (52 reg!)
2005 Kia Picanto (with bodykit!)


http://photobucket.com/albums/v502/mrsLASEROWL/

Milosz_480
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Post by Milosz_480 » Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:49 am

Great one MRS LASEROWL :rofl:
I want more!
no car, why drive a car if you can fly SAAB
Previous:
-Mitsubishi Lancer GLXi '93 LPG powered
-'92 480 ES red 'Sports Edition'
-'87 480 ES red
pics>>> http://photobucket.com/albums/v304/mayah480/

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sallysal
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Post by sallysal » Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:50 am

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
nice one Nikki!....me likey! :lol:
Sx
1995 M reg 2.0l flamer, with Ltd Ed interior, sadly departed, but not forgotten

Joolz
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Post by Joolz » Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:56 am

me dont gettie :cry: me stupid ;)
Volvo 480 Celebration 466 Dark Grey Metallic (PUS)
previously
Volvo 480 2 ltr Paris Blue
Volvo 480 2 ltr Peacock Green
Volvo 480 1.7 White
Volvo 760 GLE Saloon 2.8 V6 Blue

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Ally
Can tell where the 480 was built
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Post by Ally » Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:02 am

:rofl: Nice one!

@Joolz - The parrot saw the frozen turkey in the freezer....
Fred - 1995 480 2.0i ES - Dark Green Metallic (106,000 miles)
Dave - 1993 480 2.0i ES - Steel Grey Metallic (148,000 miles)

Joolz
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Post by Joolz » Fri Sep 30, 2005 11:13 am

sorry, Ive had a hard week...... :bla:
Volvo 480 Celebration 466 Dark Grey Metallic (PUS)
previously
Volvo 480 2 ltr Paris Blue
Volvo 480 2 ltr Peacock Green
Volvo 480 1.7 White
Volvo 760 GLE Saloon 2.8 V6 Blue

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Gimle
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Post by Gimle » Fri Sep 30, 2005 12:53 pm

:lol: Made me rofl... :rofl:
Greetz,
Gimle

1994, Volvo 480 2.0 ES 2002 - 2005
2001, Opel Vectra 2.2dti 2003 - 2007 R.I.P.
1998, Renault Mégane Coupé 1.6e 2007 -

stu chacks
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Sorry folks, bit late today - month end and all that....

Post by stu chacks » Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:40 pm



What's in a name?

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport and, settling into his seat, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo! She took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "business trip or holiday?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting right next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "One popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name."



"Tonto," the man said.
"Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

Stu.

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guitarcarfanatic
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Post by guitarcarfanatic » Fri Sep 30, 2005 5:34 pm

:rofl:
1996 Saab 9000 CSE 2litre EcoTurbo

Previously...
Peugeot 406 executive TD - The devil!

1991 Red Turbo - Great condition and surprisingly un-rusty!

1989 Light Blue metallic Turbo - Sold!

1993 Steel grey S - Bought for parts

1990 Red ES - Now resting in car heaven!

1989 Black ES - Great runner

1989 Black ES - Spares Car. I murdered it!

stu chacks
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7/10/05

Post by stu chacks » Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:29 am


Sorry folks, bit lean on the quality jokes today.

The Smoker, the Alcoholic, and the Homosexual

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The Homosexual looked at the Chain Smoker and said,

"You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

Stu.

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Ettore Bugatti
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Post by Ettore Bugatti » Fri Oct 07, 2005 10:36 am

:lol:
not sophisticated, though
Volvo 480 ES, chassis 283, dec 1999-aug 2005
Nissan Micra 1.0 Nismo, feb 2006-
Rover Mini 1000, june 2009-
Peugeot 106 1.4 Roland Garros, oct 2011-

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martinholmesuk
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Post by martinholmesuk » Fri Oct 07, 2005 10:48 am

:rofl:
Volvo 940 Turbo 19T (real Volvo :P)
Audi TT

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